THE LAST LIVING MONK OF THE CLEMENTINE ORDER
In that first year as I spread the word of our holy saint on my own, I traveled down through the land of green, Greenland, and told people of the teachings of St. Clementine
NOTORIOUS BERLIN MASTER HEISTER, THE FORKMEISTER, STRIKES AGAIN
INTERPOL – A new development in cutlery crimes, which some criminology experts are calling the most daring cutlery heist in centuries. This weekend disaster struck once again with a shocking total of two local residences reporting missing forks.
RENOWN LINGUIST BENNY BENZ DEDICATES LIFE TO SPEAKING IN ALLITERATION
Benny Buchannan Benz, internationally recognized linguist, recently went viral for a recent video on social media where he announced his intent to dedicate the rest of his life speaking in alliteration.
FEDS CATCH AN INFLATABLE UFO WHILE THE REAL UFO GETS AWAY IN A CLASSIC BAIT AND SWITCH MOVE
In one smooth operation, the MIB is once again fooled. These slippery aliens sure know their way around a flying saucer.
DAILY DOCTOR: HOW MANY NIPPLES IS TOO MANY? MEDICAL EXPERTS SAY 48
Having extra nipples is the newest fashion trend taking the world by storm, but how many is too many?
TEXAS BABYSLAPPER STRIKES AGAIN!
Texas man Ted Tedson has certainly made a name for himself. Over the last five years he has notoriously slapped dozens of babies in the greater Austin area
CANDID TAKE: EXCLUSIVE NIGHCLUB “EXCLUDE YOU” SAID TO BE SO EXCLUSIVE THAT ITS OWN STAFF CAN’T EVEN ENTER. SO WE SENT TWO JOURNALISTS WHO WERE NOT ABLE TO ENTER EITHER, BUT REPORTED BACK ANYWAY.
Modern nightlife has taken a turn from local activity to extravagant after hour outings.
BREAKING NEWS: GEESE DELCARE WAR ON HUMANS, AND AGGRAVATED GOOSE PROPAGANDA, PLUS A PLOT FOR WORLD DOMINATION AND HIERARCHY ABOVE HUMANS
The United Nations Security Council has announced their findings on a month’s long investigation into a previously unknown hostile threat.
BUCHAREST VAMPIRE CONVENTION FACES HARS CRITICISM: “IT SUCKS”
ROMANIA – Complaints have filed in from Romania’s capital of Bucharest concerning the decision to host a vampire convention at the Face Convention Center.
ANISH KAPOOR CLAIMS TO HAVE FINALLY BUILT A WORKING PORTAL
Anish Kapoor, famed British-Indian sculptor, has had a long standing reputation of being both a constructor of portals, and a very dislikable man.
ELON MUSK ANNOUNCES HIS NEW FRAGRANCE LINE: ELON’S MUSK
Big name Billionaire Elon Musk has just revealed his newest scheme, and it promises to stir up quite a commotion. The tech mogul has made an unpredictable, and as some may say reckless, move: investing heavily in aromatics.
ARE YOU THE VICTIM OF A WORKPLACE NECROMANCER? YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL COMPENSATION
Today’s changing corporate landscape is home to a wide variety of working individuals. Modern technology has leveled the playing field making it possible for anyone to be a slave to capitalism. It is, however, not without its downsides.
REPEATED “SWIPER NO SWIPING” FAILS TO DETER NOTORIOUS ART THIEF DURING ROBBERY
The art community is in uproar after a masked bandit snuck into the Louvre under the noses of security guards in broad daylight to steal a generic priceless painting worth more than the lives of many, many people.
THE FEDERAL RESERVE DRAGON GOES ON STRIKE
It is no secret that the United States of America is the wealthiest nation to have ever existed, and that is in part due to the unorthodox, yet extremely effective, Federal Reserve System.