DAILY DOCTOR: HOW MANY NIPPLES IS TOO MANY? MEDICAL EXPERTS SAY 48

Having extra nipples is the newest fashion trend taking the world by storm, but how many is too many? Recently we spoke with Mr. Arthur McArthur, a young man out of the UK with a shocking 67 nipples. His life has not been easy, and according to medical experts, McArthur only has moments to live. How many moments remains unknown at this time, but recent checks show Arthur to be in good health. Arthur spent some time talking to our journalists about the finer details of life with multitudes of nipples. One of the largest struggles he has candidly shared was the toll taken on his social life. Initially, Arthur figured that the additional nipples would make him appear "suave" and "sophisticated", but he has lately expressed concerns that people view him as just plain weird. 

"People see me as just plain weird," he said during the interview. "All these little fleshy bumps make me look like a miniature traffic cone factory, and god forbid there's a cool breeze when I'm out for my morning run."

Indeed life with 67 Nipples has been difficult for Arthur. In contrast, we sat down with Mike McMike, a man from South-Eastern Australia who possesses just half a nipple. It was Mike's childhood dream to acquire a nipple and a half to complete the set.

"It was my childhood dream to acquire a nipple and a half to complete the set,” said Mike last time we talked. "Honestly I envy Arthur, he seems to have no shortage of them!"

Life for Mike has been relatively uneventful. He graduated college at the appropriate age, and began dating people of the appropriate age while at the appropriate age himself. As far as he's concerned, his half nipple hasn't nearly attracted as much attention as the side of his chest with no nipple,

"The half nipple hasn't attracted nearly as much attention as the side with no nipple," he told Tomorrow. "I rather think people are quite shocked to see such smooth flesh there, like a bad kid’s drawing on the back of a restaurant menu.”

Doctors have since been analyzing the effects of multiple nipples on the human body-multiple, here, referencing numbers higher than three: the average human amount. People like Arthur have willingly subjected themselves to medical observation in controlled environments.  The process of acquiring an additional nipple is quite simple. Doctors caution on buying unregistered back alley nipples, as they're often knockoffs of the real deal, and can be too rubbery or not rubbery enough. Some of the knockoffs are also disproportional, with one journalist uncovering an illegal nipple market selling 16 inch nipples. According to him, they were like extra-large Frisbees. 

"Some of these nipples get really massive, like extra-large Frisbees.” It is clear that the regulation for growing and harvesting aftermarket nipples is far from precise.

Doctors have examined many patients like Arthur, with dozens and dozens of nipples. One patient was thought to be an amputee, only for doctors to discover that his arm had been replaced with one giant nipple. 

“These are really getting out of control," doctor James McJames of the Medical Foundation Foundation told the Tomorrow Press. "We really recommend people obtain no more than 48 nipples.”

When pressed for a medical reason for the number, Dr. McJames answered that he was "rather uncomfortable with the idea of people having more nipples than me.”  

We revisited with Arthur McArthur a few moments after the initial interview to check on his condition. He was doing well for himself despite the grim news, and even scheduled an appointment for another nipple. He wanted an even 68. When pressed as to why he didn't get rid of one, he told Tomorrow that each one of his 67 nipples was a part of him, and he couldn't bear to part with a single one. He proceeded to tell Tomorrow the names he had given each one. We hope that anyone with multiple nipples finds their way in life, no matter how many you have, half, a quarter, or none at all, you should never have more than 48. Otherwise, an insecure Dr. McJames will tell you that you only have moments to live.