FEDS CATCH AN INFLATABLE UFO WHILE THE REAL UFO GETS AWAY IN A CLASSIC BAIT AND SWITCH MOVE

In one smooth operation, the MIB is once again fooled. These slippery aliens sure know their way around a flying saucer. While the Federal Government works through their abandonment issues, let's discuss the details of this thrilling tale, which begins in a corn field just barely within the border of Southern Illinois.

Residents of Sleepy Farming Town called the police in the early un-light hours of the morning to report strange lights darting around above the cornfields. Police arrived on scene shortly after to the usual suspects: teenage aliens from another world once again visiting our planet to vandalize perfectly good crops with circle patterns.

Now in the past, these young aliens were generally let off by cops with warning, but as the years wear on, these a shenanigans only grew more frustrating to the local population. Now, the previous excuses of young, immature, and fun-loving no longer sway the stone cold hearts of Southern Illinois farmers. They want stone cold justice, and brew.

It was with these sentiments that police arrived on scene to see two young aliens (whose identities have yet to be released by the Tazzazz government of the Goiler Complex) wreaking havoc among the corn. They were driving what appeared to be a Class III Saucer, designed for professional scout missions, requiring at least a Delta 1 or equivalent license to maneuver. The local police concluded that it was unlikely these two young rascals had completed the training and education necessary to handle one of these crafts, yet alone to achieve the proper licensing.

Things came to a head when the Police called the craft to the ground to have a word with the drivers. All seemed to be gong well, a routine misunderstanding due to cultural differences surrounding corn, all until Officer Willis requested to see license and vehicle registration. The two reluctantly agreed to hand over the Class I Saucer registration papers, but failed to produce a Delta 1 or equivalent license. Upon running the intersystem vehicle database, the police discovered that the Class III Saucer had been reported stolen 8 parsecs over. When confronted with this information, the two young aliens reportedly panicked and open fired on the police with portable pasta rays. Due to cultural differences, pasta means very different things in the Goiler Complex. The police then returned fire with the aid of a pocket sized mortar launcher they had confiscated during a routine traftic stop four days prior. As it turns out, the pocket mortar launcher was merely just a small Nerf device painted to look like the real deal, and fired over a single orange foam dart. It was at that moment that Officer Willis phoned for the National Guard.

Within seconds, multiple military vehicles pulled up alongside federal agents and attack helicopters. It turns out that for the right cause, they really do arrive as quickly as they appear to in the cartoons. One of the feds pulled out a bullhorn and politely requested the young aliens to leave, which was the smart thing to do.

Sensing they were seriously outnumbered, the aliens instead chose to flee. Which was not a smart thing to do. All at once both attack helicopters gave chase, aided by the sudden appearance of fighter jets which the onlookers later reported looking “pretty cool.”

The feds reportedly followed the Class III Saucer at high speeds over multiple corn fields, causing untold amounts of damage. An artist's rendering of the chase can be seen above. The drawn helicopters were cropped out because they looked indecent. Just as the agents were about to close in on the craft, it let lose a massive puff of noxious black smoke. The planes stopped midair and reared up to cough, just like they would have in a cartoon, Except, this isn't a cartoon, this is real life. When the smoke cleared, the spotlights trained in on a small smoking wreck in the center of a massive crop oval. Crop circles tend to become ovals if not done carefully due to cultural differences. The situation did not allow for the careful creation of a crop circle.

The men approached the craft with marked caution, and when they finally threw the butterfly net over it and picked it up, placing it in the palm of their hands, they realized they had been duped. The Class III scout saucer they had captured was a fake.

Though identical in nearly every way, from the coloring and the dimensions, it was suffering from one fatal flaw: it was inflatable. Obviously an inflatable spacecraft would never be real because it's too floppy to get anywhere. Furious that the two hooligans got away, the men stamped their feet and screamed and cried in frustration. They were fooled, but how? As it turned out, when the two aliens let loose the smoke screen, they didn't continue to fly off into the night, they settled down into the center of a hastily made crop oval, and popped the trunk. Now the trunk on a Class III Saucer is located on the side due to cultural differences. From it, they produced what at first glance looked like an identical inflatable copy of their vehicle. Yet unbeknownst to them, all their actions were being recorded onto thermal satellite camera owned for some odd reason by Jeff Bezos. We'd like to not think about why he has that.

It was not indeed an inflatable copy they produced, but a cover to put over the real vehicle to make it look like it was inflatable. Class III saucers lack one thing, and that's speed, So the title of this article is indeed misleading. It was not bait and switch, no, it was a bait and switch, switch. Police discarded what they believed to be the inflatable craft, but what really was, was the real craft in disguise.

Hide in plain sight as they say. The two aliens then pulled off the cover and zipped off into the night, turning around to gaze one last time at the sleepy farmer town with destroyed crops nestled quietly in Southern Illinois. As they ascended into the atmosphere, they turned one last time to flip the bird which, despite cultural differences, means the exact same thing in the Goiler Complex as it does here on Earth.