TEXAS BABYSLAPPER STRIKES AGAIN!
Texas man Ted Tedson has certainly made a name for himself. Over the last five years he has notoriously slapped dozens of babies in the greater Austin area over what he claims is frustration stemming from his ridiculous name. "I’m just frustrated about my ridiculous name," Tedson told the police at some point. Just recently Tedson slapped a particularly chubby baby at the daycare center where he worked. How he got hired is anyone's guess. When confronted by his boss, Tedson reportedly slapped him. The same story once again when the police arrived to arrest him. Tedson slapped both officers, and is now facing two counts of resisting arrest, and
officer assault.
"I can't help it," Ted told the press Wednesday, "I just like slapping people!"
Parents of children in the Austin area have been buying a lot of custom baby sized football helmets recently, but the correlation between helmets and baby slapping doesn't coincide.
"It's not a simple matter of cause and effect," said local area expert Michael Micaelson. "Ted's baby slapping has nothing to do with head-wear. Parents are just hyped up for football right now, it happens every 37 years.”
It is unclear why Ted slaps mainly babies, the leading theory is their inability to fend off an oncoming attack but Ted has claimed it is due to respect.
“They take it like a man," he said, "they see it coming and they do nothing. I dig that." Ted will be having a public hearing and will face penalties for his crimes.
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